Why the Wrong People Get Promoted (And How to Get Promoted Instead)
Those who are most qualified for leadership often don’t end up as leaders. A playbook for aspiring leaders to get out of their own way, and into seats of power.
In Netflix's The Diplomat, Hal Wyler argues his wife Kate would make an ideal Vice President because she lacks political ambition. He argues: "No one who likes power should have it."
As the viewer, we’re rooting for Kate too. She’s the kind of boss you’d want to work for: competent, experienced, human.
But - surprise to no one - she doesn’t get the job.
It’s her husband who outmaneuvers her. Calculating, ego-oriented, and ambitious Hal is exactly who we expect to win - on TV and in real life. It illustrates a paradox:
The skills that would make you good at the job, don’t help you get the job.
This happens because the Hal’s of the world are at an important advantage. They want it more, will do anything to get it, and don’t hesitate.
There’s lots of thought leadership out there to help newly appointed leaders build their skills. There is much less support aimed at helping promising leaders - who already have the skills - win the top spot to begin with.
So how do thoughtful, worthy leaders get out their own way and onto the leadership path? Let’s break down a few common, self-sabotaging patterns:
Stop waiting to be ready
Don’t eat out of the trash
Just say yes
Perform confidence
Borrow ideas, not identities
1. Stop waiting to be ready
There’s a misconception that “leadership” magically happens once you acquire a certain number of skills. Take this course! Read this book! Practice stoicism!
Worse, some think that putting your head down and doing a great job will eventually get you noticed and rewarded.
Do enough of The Right Things, and - *poof* - you’re anointed as a leader.
The truth is both simpler… and scarier:
You become a leader the moment you take responsibility for the outcomes of others.
You are never ready.
There is legitimately good, hard work to be done in order to evolve as a leader (ex: therapy, coaching, self-reflection). But just like parenting or swimming or falling in love - books only take you so far.
At some point, you need to leave the armchair and Do The Thing.
You will not feel ready to do the thing. You will not feel good doing the thing. Like learning to swim, the first time will feel all wrong.
And no-one’s permission slip or blessing or certification will make it better.
The key is to tolerate the discomfort. You’re not an “unfit swimmer” - it’s just new. And to get good, you need to get in the pool and stay in the pool.
2. Don’t eat out of the trash
Another stumbling block for aspiring leaders: their inner trash panda.
Instead of building relationships with enthusiastic advocates, they keep going back to the same people who block them.
Imagine: Alex is a marketing manager. Her VP won’t promote her because she’s “not strategic enough”. Alex goes into overdrive; working weekends, over-preparing presentations, and constantly soliciting feedback.
Meanwhile, a director from a different team sees her talent and encourages her to apply to their department’s open role. She dismisses the offer.
Doesn’t a VP’s critique carry more weight than a director? Plus, if she can’t “overcome” this, surely she’s not fit for leadership at all!
It ends as you’d expect: the VP promotes someone “more strategic”; and the supportive director eventually hires someone from outside.
We learn from grade school to seek approval from whoever's in charge - you can't go to another teacher, mentor, or friend for a better grade!
Carry this behavior into the workplace, and your current boss becomes the only “true” source of feedback.
Reality check: if your boss fails to provide a meaningful path of growth (actionable feedback or clear expectations for advancement), they’re not leading you! It’s not time to self-flagellate - it’s time for a new boss.
3. Just say yes
And when good leaders offer to lead you, say yes.
Most people fail to take up genuine offers of mentorship.
Often, they don’t believe the offers are serious.
This busy, important person can’t possibly actually believe in plain old me?
It usually goes even deeper.
How embarrassing would it be if I took them seriously, and it turns out they were just being nice? How lame would I look? How exposed and rejected and vulnerable would I feel?
The truth: good leaders take mentorship too seriously to ever make disingenuous offers. Anyone worth learning from will only offer when they 1.) click with you, 2.) have bandwidth, and 3.) believe they can help.
Those who say yes to mentorship, stretch projects, or lateral moves tend to be the ones who surface in advancement discussions five years later. Not because they’re more talented, but because someone powerful knows them and has insight into what they can actually do.
So if help is offered: take it. And make it easy to be mentored. A lot of mentees - in a misguided attempt to “not impose” - don’t do the work of follow-up and checking in. It is not on the busier, more important person to remember you!
4. Perform confidence
When we picture “good leadership”, we imagine a commander who charges in without hesitation.
But paradoxically: good leadership requires nuance, acknowledging complexity, and getting to the right answer (vs. the palatable one).
This is why leadership requires a performance - you’re inwardly operating in the grey area, while outwardly building confidence with those around you.
And if you’re even a little thoughtful, confidence will be an act. People who are 100% sure of every move are often blinded by ego.
This performance isn’t “fake” - it’s your responsibility. When you’re in charge, your emotions have an amplified effect on those around you. Leaders who fail to control and process their own feelings will project them on to others.
Imagine working for a boss on a high-visibility project who is visibly anxious and stressed out. How much stress does that create for the rest of the team - who have even less power & influence in the situation?
This isn’t to say that good leaders bottle everything up; they can and should have both personal and professional outlets. But at work - influencing, politicking, and actual leading - they are “on” and projecting an aura of confidence that those around them can feel safe in.
5. Borrow Ideas, not Identities
The internet of “thought leadership” encourages you to copy.
The media dissects Steve Job’s turtlenecks (so practical!), Elon Musk’s ketamine use (why do we need doctors again?), and Elizabeth Holmes faux voice (ladies: act like a man!). Algorithms tout “The 5 Habits that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE" and biographies promise to spill the secrets of success.
But… there is no secret. Every leader ends up taking a unique, inimitable path.
And leaders that make the news are extra weird. Normal, well-adjusted behavior isn’t newsworthy.
This isn’t to say that weird is bad! But… mindlessly copying someone else’s weird can be disastrous.
Steve Jobs was a brutal perfectionist and unilaterally made big decisions. At Apple in 1976, with his taste, design obsession (before design was a buzzword), and ability to visualize products five years ahead: this worked.
But in 2016-2023, five different executives at mid-sized tech companies tried versions of “demanding excellence through blunt feedback”
One lost 40% of his team to attrition in 18 months
One faced HR complaints about psychological safety
One got promoted, but his department’s actual innovation metrics stayed flat.
You can and should learn and borrow from others. But in order to do so, you need the judgement to figure out what works for you and your situation.
That requires knowing who you are, and trusting in that.
“There have been roughly 100 billion people who have ever lived.
But do you know how many people could exist? If you take a look at the genes and find out how many combinations can make an authentic human being... it is a stupendously larger number than 100 billion.
What that means is: You are alive against stupendous odds. Most people who could exist will never even be born.
You are breathing air, observing sunsets, gazing into the night sky. Most people who could exist will never experience that. You are as special a living entity as there ever was.”
— Neil deGrasse Tyson
The great leaders of history were all individuals who chose to step up and lead. They made mistakes. They wrestled with their own demons.
And they had the same qualities that make you hesitate: self-reflection, discomfort with power, and reluctance to impose.
In other words: the markings of truly good leadership.
The Hals of the world don’t agonize over “readiness”. They’re not burdened by shame: they take the seat and wing it. More often than not, they win just because no one else gets in the game.
The world doesn’t need more “leaders” who crave power for its own sake.
It needs people who understand the weight of leadership to step up. It needs what only you can bring.
So be yourself, seize opportunity, and write your own story.
Like every leader that came before, you’ll figure it out.
About the Authors:
After 30 years leading companies like AKQA, McKinsey, and Porter Novelli, David Bentley is still learning. He writes for anyone curious enough to do the same. Instead of aspirational fluff and individual mythology, he writes about the system mechanics that underpin good leadership.
Christine Miao is the creator of technical accounting–the practice of tracking engineering maintenance, resourcing, and architecture. It visualizes the most complex technical problems - think: breaking up monoliths or cleaning up tech debt - in a way that anyone can understand.
 | A guest post by
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Re: “The skills that would make you good at the job, don’t help you get the job.”
This is why leadership development matters.
Technical ability might qualify you to do the work.
Relational awareness and communication often determine whether you’re trusted with it.
Two very different muscles.